I don't really know how to say this, and I'm ashamed, but I feel like if there's any place I can be real, it might be here. Last week was bad. I used drugs to try and escape some deep pain I'm feeling, and today I just feel empty and lost. I know I made a mistake, but right now, the guilt feels heavier than the relief ever did.
I'm not writing this to start a debate about right or wrong. My heart is just so heavy wondering where God is in all this. I feel so alone in my struggle.
When I read the Gospels, I see Jesus constantly reaching for the people who were messed up, the ones everyone else had given up on. He didn't meet them with a list of their sins first; He met them with love. He saw their pain before He ever addressed their behavior.
I guess what I'm searching for is a glimpse of that. I'm not looking for someone to tell me I'm a sinner; my own heart is telling me that loud and clear. I'm looking for the people who will sit with me in the mess for a minute before they try to fix it. The ones who understand that sometimes the most 'Christian' thing you can do isn't to judge, but just to show up and say you get it.
I'm just so tired of the black-and-white answers when my world feels so gray. I don't need a lecture on theology right now, just someone who gets it. Maybe this isn't the right place for this kind of vulnerability. But I hope it is. I'm just a broken person looking for a little light and my job sucks right now.
Feeling broken
Re: Feeling broken
At the risk of giving a black and white answer, I'll shoot. Whatever happened yesterday already happened. Today's a new day, and I'm going to assume you're still alive somewhere. Life will go on.
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justcruising
- Posts: 30
- Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2026 7:07 pm
Re: Feeling broken
Hey I've been there so I get it. I'm not going through the exact same thing, but it's hard in that place where you feel so alone and the 'right answers' just feel hollow.
Unfortunately, there's going to be lots of people with black and white answers because they haven't experienced it.
I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I'm sitting here with you in the gray for a minute. Try to be around like-minded people who might be more prone to understanding the situation because otherwise there's going to be lots of judgment. There's no need to beat yourself up over something that you already did and that isn't even a crime. If what you're concerned about is something in the Bible, I'm no expert but I don't think the Bible even mentions drugs though I could be totally wrong.
Unfortunately, there's going to be lots of people with black and white answers because they haven't experienced it.
I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I'm sitting here with you in the gray for a minute. Try to be around like-minded people who might be more prone to understanding the situation because otherwise there's going to be lots of judgment. There's no need to beat yourself up over something that you already did and that isn't even a crime. If what you're concerned about is something in the Bible, I'm no expert but I don't think the Bible even mentions drugs though I could be totally wrong.
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StudentDriver
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2026 9:24 pm
Re: Feeling broken
Bro Ridge Rider! You say guilt feels heavier than the relief ever did. Don't avoid guilt. Acknowledge it! It is your guardian and discernment actually working (in this case)! Seeing this, you don't need to beat urself over guilt! Personally when I encounter my guilt, I show my gratitude and make attempts to change!
-- Do you want to expand on your deep pain?
I personally went thru a very very intense period in my life, where I was questioning everything. I literally could feel myself going insane. Alot of things happened during that time. To put it briefly, I had extreme depersonalization (like out of body type thing. feeling extremely hollow. My spine was so wired, i felt tingles in it. Like idk what was going on), I couldn't really sleep much at night. Nothing felt real. Alot of restlessness. A bunch of things happened, and this depersonalization made me PHYSICALLY weak. (Literally my grip strength was very weak during that time. I couldn't even muster a strong fist). So how did I keep myself afloat during that time? I simply went for a run everyday. (Running really does give you instant relief! Started out small. And kept track of my runs to make progress! (My runs at first started out with a measly 5 mins ~ and I was out of breath. But dont underestimate ur body to adapt. It really does adapt quickly. ) I Forced myself to eat right foods (simple things like black beans, fruits, bread, boiled eggs). I was seeing food as medicine. By forcing myself to do these things, I was able to stay afloat. And things SLOWLY did get better from there. I was learning something new everyday about myself. And I would write it down in my notes.
-- Do you want to expand on your deep pain?
I personally went thru a very very intense period in my life, where I was questioning everything. I literally could feel myself going insane. Alot of things happened during that time. To put it briefly, I had extreme depersonalization (like out of body type thing. feeling extremely hollow. My spine was so wired, i felt tingles in it. Like idk what was going on), I couldn't really sleep much at night. Nothing felt real. Alot of restlessness. A bunch of things happened, and this depersonalization made me PHYSICALLY weak. (Literally my grip strength was very weak during that time. I couldn't even muster a strong fist). So how did I keep myself afloat during that time? I simply went for a run everyday. (Running really does give you instant relief! Started out small. And kept track of my runs to make progress! (My runs at first started out with a measly 5 mins ~ and I was out of breath. But dont underestimate ur body to adapt. It really does adapt quickly. ) I Forced myself to eat right foods (simple things like black beans, fruits, bread, boiled eggs). I was seeing food as medicine. By forcing myself to do these things, I was able to stay afloat. And things SLOWLY did get better from there. I was learning something new everyday about myself. And I would write it down in my notes.