City Tutoring Discussion Forum

Hi,

Sometimes I feel that warm in my body. The masculine drive to have a wife, and experience that physical closeness.

But I want to always remind myself that I shouldn't put my sexuality above god, or the marriage will fail sooner or later.

That's why I believe that chastity is very important to build a strong marriage foundation.
And the reason why I've had to reject girls i find attractive(difficult) that don't value chastity and could make me fall into sexual immorality.

And I'm still a virgin, and hope to still save myself for marriage. Although I've been tempted in many instances, my guardian angel have helped me to escape.. thank god.

The women in my life, both older and younger (family/friends) have told me that I'm attractive and I'll be a good husband (based on the potential they see in me). I'm not in any sense perfect, and I always try to be honest and conscious of my mistakes, and people seem to appreciate it.

Still, I won't consider my competence and character as developed. Because girls that are actually more mature and more "Wife Material" aren't interested in me.

I'm 22YO. Introvert. I work as a freelancer online, so I can get away with not going outside my house often, other than going to church in Sundays. I believe I can take a girl out to spend a wholesome morning or evening, you know, eat something, talk, share knowledge, and healthy play.

I invited a girl (right now it's platonic) to mass next Sunday. I plan on eating something after, and just spend time being present.


My options are
1. keep working and make lots of money
2. expose myself in social environments that are healthy, discreet, prudent, with a sense of decency.
3. i dont know how to frame it, but maybe learn to socialize and learn secure body language
4. Attractive women intimidate me ppfffff, so i'll try to expose myself to speaking casually to strangers on the street to lose my fear of rejection gradually

Is there some quick recommendations or applicable steps today, based on the Christian tradition, liturgy, etc. That teaches how to behave like a young man of god, to build a family, and choosing and attracting the love of your life, mother of your children.

God have mercy on me,
- RelativeNewman

hey for some reason I hadnt noticed this post before but its a great question! Dude, I get exactly what you're saying. That internal drive is real, and it's actually cool you're trying to be intentional about it instead of just letting it run wild. A lot of guys don't even think that far.

I hear you on the chastity thing, but I've been thinking about it a bit differently lately. What if it's less about building a wall and more about building a filter? Like, the goal isn't to have zero desire, but to have discerning desire. To want the whole package with a person, their mind, their faith, their humor, and yeah, their body. A girl who's also on that same wavelength, who gets that the physical stuff is the capstone, not the whole foundation. Maybe the right person isn't someone you have to "escape" from, but someone you can "explore" with, within boundaries you both set before God. That feels like a partnership, you know what I mean?

And man, I feel you on the "wife material" girls not seeming interested. It's tough. But maybe they're not looking for a guy who's already perfect and "finished." Maybe they're looking for a guy who's actively becoming, someone who's humble enough to admit he's a work in progress (like you are) but is also actively engaged in the world, not just hiding out. Security isn't about having a perfect character, it's about being secure in God's grace, even when you mess up.

Your options are solid actually.

Money: Totally, be stable. But maybe frame it as developing your talents to be generous and to build something cool with a partner, not just to have a big bank account.
Social stuff: Instead of just "healthy environments," think "shared mission." Join the worship team, volunteer for the youth group, get involved in a service project. You'll connect with people, especially girls, on a totally different level when you're working together for something bigger than yourselves. It's way more natural than just trying to "socialize."

Honestly, your plan for Sunday is perfect. Don't put pressure on it. Just be present. Ask her about her week, what she's into, what God's been teaching her. The goal isn't to impress her, it's to know her. The rest will follow from that.